You see my dad had been married before he married my mom. Her name was Diane they had a child, Derek, who passed away shortly after he was born. This took a huge toll on both of them in very different ways. Diane ended up pregnant again and then they got a divorce during her pregnancy. There’s a lot of information, details, that I don’t feel the need to discuss here because it’s not my business, nor my place. However, the child inside of Diane was my beautiful, amazing sister. After their divorce, Diane was hated among my family members because of what she did to my dad.
The day my sister was born my dad wasn’t at the hospital. I think it’s because it was too painful for him, and maybe also because he wasn’t sure about the whole situation, I’ll never know the answer to that I suppose. But ... my grandparents, they were there. They saw their granddaughter the day she was born, they congratulated Diane even knowing the pain my dad was going through because of her (and himself). They didn’t care about any of the drama. They didn’t pay any attention to what any of their family members were thinking. They just knew that this was their granddaughter and they wanted to see her. And they did. They were a part of her life from day one and haven’t left since. They traveled hours to see Diane and Tiffany throughout her entire life. They never looked at Diane like she was anything other than the woman who was taking care of and loving their grandchild. My sister was seven by the time our families were reconciled and oddly enough my mom and Diane are to this day great friends and Diane’s husband Tony was one of my dad’s Best friends and is one of the only people to this day who will still talk about him to me.
The reason I find all of this so amazing is not only because of the obvious piece that God was clearly at work in all of our lives, but because I’ve spent my entire life running from relationships. I can cut people off like it’s nothing. Where as my grandparents had every reason to cut Diane out of their lives and hate her just like everyone else, but they didn't. They told her they loved her and they loved Tiffany and they would always be there no matter what. It's just amazing to me.
I’ve had probably 75 “best friends” and yet none of them are left standing. I can think of a million reasons why the other people are wrong and I’ve got my argument down to an art. However, I’m left with almost no one (as far as friends go anyway). The select few people left in my life today are here for a reason. They’ve fought against all of my craziness to be a part of me (and Victoria) and I am so grateful for them. The friends and family that I have left standing are people who have loved me unconditionally. I’ve tried cutting them out … all of them, but they wouldn’t let me. I’ve tried pushing them away and telling them that they’re wrong and that I don’t care about them but they didn’t care, they still loved me. I look at these people and see so much grace and mercy and kindness. And then I look at some of the people who did give up on me and I feel badly for the way I treated them. They didn’t deserve to be pushed out of my life and if by some crazy chance they're reading this I hope you know how sorry I am for pushing you away.
There is a third group of people though. There are some people who see me only for what other people say about me and for what they say that I’ve done, and I feel badly for them too. But I feel badly for them because they’re missing out on getting to know the real me. I know that I am not perfect, I’m not always right and I am definitely a work in progress, but I also know that I have good intentions, I am working on my self, I am honest as the sun is bright and that I love to love people. I make it a point to be kind to people (even to the point that I have an internal battle every time that I see a person holding a sign on the corner because I don’t know whether to smile to let them know that I see them and want to acknowledge them but then at the same time don’t want them to think that I’m making light of their situation and upset them cause I smiled.) I have a lot of relationships gone wrong under my belt and I regret a lot of my own actions in those relationships. But as far as the relationships I have now and the people in my life that Victoria and I can count on I am willing to fight as hard to be in their lives as they’ve fought to be in ours. They definitely deserve that much especially my immediate family (as in my mom, my brother and my sister). They’ve put up with a lot and they deserve my respect and my apologies and my forgiveness.
Some of the broken relationships in my life are meant to stay broken, some need to be repaired for Victoria’s sake, and others I’m sure may be restored someday, God-willing. The only relationships I know I will never have again are the ones that come and go as they please. I want the people in my life and far more importantly in Victoria’s life to be like my grandparents were in Diane and Tiffany’s life. Unconditional, Unchanging, Forever.